A letter to my husband on his 50th birthday
Dear Jon, Last night when I couldn't sleep I started thinking about writing to you. Tomorrow will be your 50th birthday and of all the 'anniversaries' since your death, this one seems particularly hard. You were always better at writing the soppy stuff than me. Even though your handwriting and spelling was terrible, you always used to write the loveliest messages to me in birthday and anniversary cards. I write the occasional blog, but you were always so much better at expressing your love for me and the children in writing. I wish I had trusted that love more. When I read those cards back now, I can see that your love was constant and uncomplicated. You were proud to be my husband and proud to be a father. I wish I had seen that and just enjoyed it. I was wrapped up in the everyday and I was insecure. I questioned our relationship. I didn't need to. You loved me the way that I am, you chose me, you liked me knowing that I could be a prick sometimes.